Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes

“Excuse me, do you by any chance have cat food, kitty litter?”

“There.” I said, and pointed. I said “there” with as heavy accent as I could inject into a single syllable to make her think that I could not speak English.

“Oh thank you. I just moved down the street. The street, you know, Lawrence Avenue?” She pointed. I said nothing.

“I have a little black and white cat, you see, and I realized that I hadn’t brought his food or anything else for my itsy-kitty-cat.”

I continued to say nothing. This became a victory when the foolish middle aged woman with the frizzy hair turned at last in the direction I had pointed. She came back without another word and put the items on the counter.

“Cash. You see?” I told her, pointing at the number which had lit up on my register. She handed me a $20. I made change and then I put the cat food in a bag and let the silence explain to her that I expected her to leave now.

I only talk to parrots. Eager-eyed American women fail to interest me.