Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes

She really does, you know.  She may not know how huge the donkey balls that she sucks truly are, but she sucks them nonetheless.

Allow me to explain.  “Ally Arkallian” is a made up name, to protect the poor girl from googling herself as a whim some day and finding out how much she sucks, but she is very much a real person.  She’s a little older than me, and the daughter of a close friend of my dad.  She’s a lesbian also, or possibly bisexual, and last I heard she was trying to become a writer.

A writer, of all things.  She takes classes and I’ve always fancied her a sort of nemesis.  A sort of alernate Vanessa, the slightly less crazy, slightly less flaky daughter of my Dad’s slightly more successful, slightly wealthier friend Mitchell.

The thing is, though, that she sucks.  I’m way more talented, also prettier and thinner, and everything about her that is silly and flaky is, in me, true life difficulty and/or serious artistic pupose.

I found a book of her short stories on the kitchen table when my parents left for Italy.  Her VANITY PRESS book.  Her SELF PUBLISHED book.  This is important.  I would never write stupid garden-variety short stories about relationships that could substitute for any moderately competent set of stories by any MFA on the East coast.  If I wrote such uninteresting derivitive BS I certainly wouldn’t pay money to publish my own book.  If I couldn’t sell my stories I’d write better ones.

This girl is everything I hate and fear about myself while at the same time being somehow someone I’m jealous of or trying to measure up to.  And she doesn’t even know it!

(of course, the fact that I make up elaborate scenarios, back stories, and motivations for her is just further proof that I am a true writer and artist, and she’s just the shallow vain rich stuck up self delusional SUCKY person my imagination has turned her into)