Comments on: Daddy’s approval http://blameful.wordpress.com/2009/05/09/daddys-approval/ this is just a jam Mon, 07 Dec 2009 22:39:56 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: NChe http://blameful.wordpress.com/2009/05/09/daddys-approval/#comment-2873 NChe Mon, 11 May 2009 20:59:00 +0000 http://blameful.wordpress.com/?p=1107#comment-2873 I"m glad you sent your story to your father. I was hoping you would. I'll bet he was excited and impressed! I would be very surprised if he didn't respect you. You say you know he loves you. that's for sure. I think the other is for sure as well. If he doesn't respect you he doesn't respect himself because if it takes perfection or great achievements or body size etc. to earn respect, none of us, not even my dear friend, lives us to superficial ideas of worthiness. I do know, like all of us parents, he worries about his children. It can't be helped. If it's not one thing with one child it's another with the other child. Human nature is tough to have. An alternative would be intersting. Anyway, it's great he expressed delight with your story. Perhaps both you and he know that worth and dignity has nothing to do with artificial standards invented by society. It was said to me once, "you must really love so and so (child) in your class because he/she is the smartest. Not on your life!!!!!!!! I really did love the child as I did all the kids - If he or she happens to be "quick" so what. Because my father walked away when I was a toddler, never to be seen again, it has been a life long struggle to be believe in my worth. I hope you and I make progress in evolving to the point where we know our worth. But again, it's that darn human nature that demands we get our fathers' approval. One positive aspect of getting older - old - is that one learns no one is worth more than oneself. Everyone has limitations from here to there. Enjoy continuing to hone your talent, your passion. they are yours. Have fun, be carried away, go on adventures, follow, trust. As long as you enjoy the hard work of writing, let the words shape what they will. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Your writing gives one a lot to think about and enjoy. I”m glad you sent your story to your father. I was hoping you would. I’ll bet he was excited and impressed!
I would be very surprised if he didn’t respect you. You say you know he loves you. that’s for sure. I think the other is for sure as well. If he doesn’t respect you he doesn’t respect himself because if it takes perfection or great achievements or body size etc. to earn respect, none of us, not even my dear friend, lives us to superficial ideas of worthiness. I do know, like all of us parents, he worries about his children. It can’t be helped. If it’s not one thing with one child it’s another with the other child. Human nature is tough to have. An alternative would be intersting.
Anyway, it’s great he expressed delight with your story.
Perhaps both you and he know that worth and dignity has nothing to do with artificial standards invented by society. It was said to me once, “you must really love so and so (child) in your class because he/she is the smartest. Not on your life!!!!!!!! I really did love the child as I did all the kids – If he or she happens to be “quick” so what. Because my father walked away when I was a toddler, never to be seen again, it has been a life long struggle to be believe in my worth. I hope you and I make progress in evolving to the point where we know our worth. But again, it’s that darn human nature that demands we get our fathers’ approval. One positive aspect of getting older – old – is that one learns no one is worth more than oneself. Everyone has limitations from here to there.
Enjoy continuing to hone your talent, your passion. they are yours. Have fun, be carried away, go on adventures, follow, trust. As long as you enjoy the hard work of writing, let the words shape what they will. I’m looking forward to the next chapter. Your writing gives one a lot to think about and enjoy.

]]> By: anne http://blameful.wordpress.com/2009/05/09/daddys-approval/#comment-2872 anne Sun, 10 May 2009 17:41:04 +0000 http://blameful.wordpress.com/?p=1107#comment-2872 Totally understandable that you want your father's genuine, heart felt love and approval. I can tell you as a parent who's daughter was anorexic that I was often afraid to say or do anything that would make her illness worse. It makes one overly careful in a way that you aren't usually. I wasn't that way with her (or any of my other children) before her illness. I'm learning to be free and easy again with her. And she is learning the world won't crumble if certain things don't happen...to keep her sensitivity (a plus in many ways) under check. That she can be really good at certain things (art, in her case) and sometimes you just don't always get instantly recognized for it. That there are other factors involved too and some are just plain outside of your control. She is learning to be persistent, to speak up for herself, to set goals, to let go at times. None of these things caused her eating disorder, but they can might have helped maintain it. Maybe that's a 'thin line' explanation. But, the better she feels about herself, the more these factors just slowly crumble. Totally understandable that you want your father’s genuine, heart felt love and approval.

I can tell you as a parent who’s daughter was anorexic that I was often afraid to say or do anything that would make her illness worse. It makes one overly careful in a way that you aren’t usually.

I wasn’t that way with her (or any of my other children) before her illness. I’m learning to be free and easy again with her. And she is learning the world won’t crumble if certain things don’t happen…to keep her sensitivity (a plus in many ways) under check. That she can be really good at certain things (art, in her case) and sometimes you just don’t always get instantly recognized for it. That there are other factors involved too and some are just plain outside of your control. She is learning to be persistent, to speak up for herself, to set goals, to let go at times.

None of these things caused her eating disorder, but they can might have helped maintain it. Maybe that’s a ‘thin line’ explanation. But, the better she feels about herself, the more these factors just slowly crumble.

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