Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes

ugh.  today isn’t going to be a fun one, i don’t think.

last night i was having trouble sleeping, and i was just dreading the idea of getting up first thing and walking in the cold to the subway to see my nutritionist and my therapist and not getting home till afternoon.  so instead of doing what i usually do in those situations and tell myself to just deal with it and not be such a baby i got up, sent off a couple of quick emails, and presto- no more appointments this week.

yay?  i dunno, dudes, i just couldn’t face it this week.  i don’t have anything i want to change in my meal plan, i don’t have anything i particularly want to talk about in therapy…  and did i mention it’s cold outside?  especially in the early mornings.

i felt a sense of relief after cancelling, and then i went and slept like a baby as soon as i no longer was worrying about how i had to get up early and thinking about what i was going to discuss with my treatment people.  but this morning i’m feeling a bit guilty and mad at myself for flaking.  i expect better from myself than just bailing out of laziness.  it’s different if i bail for a philosophical reason, like when i regularly on a bi-weekly basis decide to leave recovery forever (insert dramatic gasp).  if i cancelled for that reason it might be bullshit but at least it would be something that felt real at the time.  laziness is much harder to justify.

ah, well.  there’s always next week.  what’s done is done and i didn’t really have anything to say to either of them anyway.