i want to be a writer.
i don’t think art is a real job. i don’t think decent people ought to want to be something fruity like a writer or an artist. i think going to art school or majoring in english or literature is a waste of time and money. basically, i’m too sensible to take the idea of being a writer seriously no matter who’s saying it.
but the thing is, writing is the only thing i do that comes more naturally than breathing. there’s nothing else i can think of that i produce that i can then sit back and look at and think “that was good. i’m proud of that.”
so, take this as a statement of intention and perhaps a sort of coming out. i’m going to do treatment, and i’m not going to stop writing a story a day even if i can’t get online to post them while i’m being treated. and once things have settled down i’m going to try and take this writing thing that i do more seriously. i mean, i’m not a productive member of society anyway so i might as well do something that makes me happy, right?
(or something)
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Well, Let’s imagine that the world had no writing. Oh, wait. I’d rather not.
Comment by Mrs. B April 21, 2008 @ 1:24 amwell, sure. but i feel embarassed even imagining myself talented enough or just plain “good enough” to dare to imagine myself as someone who writes as opposed to a normal person with a normal job.
Comment by vive42 April 21, 2008 @ 1:51 amWriting changes the world and you know it. Lots of things change the world and writing is one powerful tool. Recreational fiction heals wounds, makes people laugh which helps keep them healthy. Political fiction, etc. etc……yada yada. You know all of this.
Comment by Che April 21, 2008 @ 4:19 pmThe piece above “if the cavalry was a bit late coming” knocks me out.
Who isn’t just an ordinary, limited human being. That hasn’t stopped us yet giving the world our offerings. Write, write, write, write, write, my lovely, precious friend. Some of your work will be great, some transcendent, some weak and irrelevant, some magical, some a flop.You must remember, though, your illness is not who you are and writing success says nothing about your value. In other words, we love you if your writing is great or if it stinks. Who are we? You know who we are. Write, write, write. What does a productive member of society mean by the way? The Talmud says kindness is the greatest achievement. The Dalai Lama says kindness is the jewel of the universe. And I, humble being that I am, agree!
well, i certainly know all my work can’t be great. definitely not if i force myself to write every day, because the point is to keep my writing muscles working, prevent their atrophy. and that means some days i’m not going to feel my best and i write something- anything- out of the fear that if i give in to my impulse to skip a day here and there sooner or later i’ll be skipping every day.
but i will say that first of all, i do feel a need to be read by other people, and to have my writing enjoyed genuinely rather than to feel like people are saying “oh, that’s nice, very theraputic”. i don’t want a pat on the head for the sick person.
and last, along those same lines, i may not need to be perfect, i may not need to be great every single time i try. but i do need to be good because otherwise i don’t see the point. i don’t have any wish to endlessly produce lame, derivative, flat, stale, pointless crap. and i don’t think i have been doing so- but i don’t care how therapeutic it was, if i didn’t feel able to produce something decent i would stick to writing about my feelings and maybe i’d also stick to pencil and paper.
Comment by vive42 April 21, 2008 @ 5:19 pmI think you and I were not on the same page this time. If your comments were a response to my comments, what I was trying to say, I must have said badly. And maybe, what you were saying in your write, write, write, piece I misunderstood.
Comment by Che April 21, 2008 @ 8:37 pmOh well, we do our best, but communication is a tricky thing.
what i was saying is that i’d like to consider writing my work, and persue it as a profession if that’s possible.
i do think we have points of disagreement, but also i was just expaning my own thoughts not only responding to you.
Comment by vive42 April 21, 2008 @ 8:46 pmto continue, just to che,
i think the best things about you have always been your loving, nurturing, qualities. the way you don’t judge people and you affirm everyone. i love that about you.
but while i have many many wonderful qualities, those aren’t me. i’m naturally kinda judgemental and i have a certain toughness and outspokenness. i value non-judgementalness and gentleness in others… but i’m never going to be so non-judgemental or gentle. being angry and defiant might sometimes be a good quality in me and sometimes its a real weakness. but it’s who i am either way.
Comment by vive42 April 21, 2008 @ 10:51 pmI have the same thoughts about art. And look at me… off to art school. Though then, that was more of a failure on my part to pursue the ’sensible’ careers i was interested in, like being a nurse or paramedic, because mentally i’m just too fucked to.
I think if it’s a choice of writer vs your “unproductive” life, then i’d choose the writing any day.
I also think the world would be a damn awful place without writers and artists. I don’t know exactly what they provide for us other than pleasure (which is an important thing in itself), but it’s something important – something i can’t quite put into words.
Comment by Josie April 22, 2008 @ 10:47 ami’m so glad you understood, josie.
i do feel that writers and artists contribute something valuable. but from the other side i feel that wanting to be an artist is a moral failing, like saying you’re too good to get a real job and work like everyone else.
and on the third hand, i love writing and i feel like i’m good at it and i don’t think if i had a real job i’d ever have the time to improve or create anything longer than my itty bitty short stories. i don’t think i could have a real job and write a novel in my spare time, for instance. and i do feel that writing a novel, for instance, would be a real accomplishment, something to be proud of even if you never had it published or made any money off it.
Comment by vive42 April 22, 2008 @ 11:11 amI’m outspoken too, Vive, you know that from years past!!!!
Comment by Che April 22, 2008 @ 1:06 pmThere are families who make a big deal out of cleverness, gifted intelligence, who can read at the youngest age, etc. As a teacher, I deplore this because people are not their accomplishments. I loved my so called average or struggling kids as much as those who were sailing through academically. The reason I deplore the “look our smart and clever my kid is” is because the kid who does excel, feels inadequate when they have a “not so productive day”. They feel their worth is their brilliance. Again, I hope you don’t misunderstand what I’m saying.
i didn’t mean you weren’t outspoken, i just meant that since you’ve known me so long and you knew me as a child and all you might be surprised at what a jerk i can be as an adult.
i have a lot of sharp edges that have nothing to do with my eating disorder or my depression, although those things make the sharp edges sort of take over sometimes, i think.
Comment by vive42 April 22, 2008 @ 5:33 pmHere is what I told my daughter, a gifted artist who had many of the same thoughts you are having. And eating disorder is not who you are. An illness is not who you are. Your writing, likewise, is not who you are either.
But, your talents in particular, to my way of thinking, are likes mirrors reflecting your inner soul. Mirrors are NOT you. They only reflects bits and pieces of you at any one moment, at any one stage of your life’s development. This is true of your writing, of my daughter’s picture’s. It’s a bit of your soul, reflected. It’s not your inner core. But, it is an expression of that core being. Nurture it. Share it.
Comment by anne April 28, 2008 @ 3:32 am[...] but at least I’ve read a few things I wouldn’t have otherwise. Take, for instance, this. This blogger writes that a decent person wouldn’t want to be a writer or artist…well, [...]
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