Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes

things could be worse, right?  afterall, i could have been born a dream pirate.

“hey, look here!  a dreamer’s having sex with a gay pink and purple colored elephant!”

i came running out from the cabin when minna said that.  mostly sex dreams are boring but elephants are swizzawesome and pink is my favorite color.  we’d been stuck in what mom calls a sex dream front for a days and days already.  our dad’s a swizzawesome-nuts navigator but i guess there’s a lot of sex dreams so you can’t avoid them.  dad calls it being “stuck in spunk” but my mom says that’s not nice and call it a sex dream front, please, ladies.

me and minna watched the elephant for a while.  he was a sweet little elephant, with a funny sort of embarassed expression.  he looked like he was trying to ride a tricycle!  i have a tricycle which is red and has a horn on it.  dad got it for me from a dream some old guy was having so it is very old fashioned.  dad says when guys get old they stop dreaming about sex so much and then you get cool things in their dreams again like my tricycle.

the elephant dream was the last one of the sex dream front.  one way you can tell the front is ending is when the sex dreams get more fantastical, and then the front is over and its time to find a good spot to watch everything.  but you have to stay out of the way of mom and dad, because they’re busy.  that’s where we get all our things from, mostly.  see, sex dreams mostly don’t have too much that’s valuable.

so the elephant vanished, and the dreamer who dreamed him, and we came into the next dream which was a bonanza.  a bonanza is when a dream has just tons and tons of valuables, like if someone dreams they’re in a museum it might be a bonanza.  this one was a dreamer who dreamed he was some kind of a king at a huge banquet hall.  and the part that was a bonanza was these goldren goblets they had to drink out of.  but that was the problem, see, because golden goblets aren’t a very good shape to hook with any of our ropes and tools or anything.  so dad said it was time i learned and that meant it was up to me to go out into the dream and get as many goblets as i could before the dreamer woke up and the dream all vanished.

(to be continued)