Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes

things could be worse.  i could be dripping puddles of hatred when i walked.

You know when you just want to hurt someone, and you don’t particularly care who?  That’s my.  My handiwork, I should say.  Unfocused rage is my particular speciality, although I do all forms of hatred and most of the less justifiable forms of anger as well.

Hey, I can’t help it that I’m an oozing monster of hatred, can I?  Some of us were meant to sing or dance, some of us were meant to write great poetry or do other people’s taxes, and I just happen to have been made a virtuoso of despair.  You go with what you know, right?  I don’t sit around all day wishing I was the happiness fairy or what have you.  I just roll up my sleeves (not literally of course, seeing as I’m basically a ball of slime with eyes) and I get to work spreading discontent, jealousy, mistrust, fear.  All your basic building blocks of a precarious and unbalanced society.

Most of the time I work small.  Take that lovely young couple over there.  In a few minutes I’m gonna flow on over there and drip a few drops here and there and before you know it he’ll be blaming her for all the dreams he never fulfulls in his life and she’ll be screaming at him that he never screws the cap back on the tube of toothpaste.  Another notch on my belt, divorce soon to follow, job well done.  I’ve pretty much gotten to half of all the couples out there and the way I see it divorces are a growing market, no limit on how many marriages I could ruin.

Sure, I feel bad sometimes.  Causing so much misery and all that.  But then I think- screw them!  They don’t have it as bad as me, going through life as a disgusting ball of filth destined to bring misery wherever her travels.  They don’t deserve their happiness!  Why shouldn’t I enjoy my work, why shouldn’t I spread my lot as far and wide as I can travel.  What did they ever do for me?  Stupid people with their stupid faces, smiling all the time.  So, yeah, sometimes I feel bad I guess, but I get over it.