i hate caring
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March 18, 2008, 5:09 pm
Filed under: anorexia, bulimia, eating disorder recovery, eating disorders | Tags: anorexia, bulimia, eating disorder recovery, eating disorders
Filed under: anorexia, bulimia, eating disorder recovery, eating disorders | Tags: anorexia, bulimia, eating disorder recovery, eating disorders
so, i’m sortof back in recovery-mode today. except that i’m feeling negative and hopeless and like there’s no point. like fine, i’ll eat, whatever but i have no future and no good reason for trying.
i’m not happy about turning 30. i’m especially not happy about turning 30 and being unemployed, on disability, and without any real prospects for the future. i wish i believed i was headed for something better. i wish i believed this “recovery” wasn’t just a little space between relapses. but i don’t. i don’t believe any of it.
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Come on, Vanessa,
You are tougher than this. Fight to take hold of your life. You deserve this and you deserve a better future.
OK. Right now, with no recovery, you are painting a picture that may be pretty accurate.
With recovery, who knows? Seriously, who knows.
Oh, and P.S. I’m 50 and you know what? 20 isn’t better than 30, 30 isn’t better than 40 and 40 isn’t better than 50. I don’t look as great as I once did, but I look pretty good. AND I’m a hell of a lot wiser.
Comment by Mrs. B March 18, 2008 @ 6:12 pmI feel with you. I’m not turning 30 on Friday, but in the beginning of June. It’s really flashy when I am talking to people and have to say something like “When I was in school more than a decade ago, things were totally different.”. Lucky me I don’t look like 30. Just a few months ago someone from the electric utility rang at my door in the morning, wanted to inform me that there will be a blackout the next day for about 30 minutes. I opened, he said “good morning” and then asked if my parents were at home, too. I was torn between laughing and slapping him into the face.
Always wanted to join the “club of 27″ (with famous members like Jim Morrison, James Dean and Janis Jopin), but miserably failed because I finally found life with all its challenges too nice.
Comment by Leni March 19, 2008 @ 8:05 am