Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes

no excuses.  i feel embarassed to go to my meeting?  so what.  my embarassment is not important.

one OA meeting a week is a small enough thing to expect of myself.  it’s the both the smallest thing i can do and the most powerful.  it’s putting recovery firmly on the table, giving myself a chance to build on my positive leanings rather than falling back.

i’ve felt i was falling back the past three days.  the only thing that is likely to arrest that is getting to the meeting and reminding myself of where i want to be going.  i can’t get there all at once, i can’t expect myself to wake up tomorrow morning and be able to eat like a normal person.  but if i want to be headed towards health instead of deeper into illness i need to get myself to that meeting.

so, consider this a commitment from me to everyone who reads this.  there will not be any excuses when i wake up tomorrow morning.  i don’t want to go, i’m embarassed about my weight, i’m anxious, tired, depressed.  all those things might be true but i will still get up and go anyway.  even if tomorrow morning i wake up and decide i’m done with recovery for good (ha!) i can still go to the meeting first, and then give up forever (ha!) or whatever dramatic thing i might be in the mood for.

remind me again.  there’s no such thing as being too fat for overeaters anonymous, and even if there were (and there isn’t) i’m being ridiculous to keep thinking i’m too fat to go to OA, since i’m in the normal bmi range.