things could be worse if someone had dipped me in a candy coating.
the first machine shaved off all the hair from my body.
in a weird way, that was almost what i expected. i used to watch that show. x-files? when i was a little girl sometimes my dad would let me stay up past my bedtime and watch it. and i always figured, you know, when the aliens took you it might be terrible but at least you’d understand what was going on, you know? so i didn’t know why i was being shaved by alien machines but it was sortof along the lines of stuff i thought might happen to you if aliens took you.
the next machine held me under the armpits and dipped me in a liquid. i tried to keep my mouth closed but you know how you can’t help tasting something? like if you fall face first into a mud puddle, you taste mud, right? this tasted like sugar water. but i think maybe there was something more to it because i stopped being able to move my arms or legs after i got dipped into it.
that’s when i started to freak out. seriously. but i couldn’t move so it didn’t make any difference. so i just watched as the machine brought me over to a big tub of pinkness.
so that’s it i guess. no one ever explained anything or anything. but i figure, um, no one ever covers you from head to toe in pink colored sugar for something good? i mean, i don’t think so… do you think?
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Hah! How deliciously macabre. Here, this is funny too:
http://diannesylvan.typepad.com/dancing_down_the_moon/2008/02/for-racu-an-ane.html
Comment by Hannah March 13, 2008 @ 5:38 amIt’s almost spooky how I hear you through these stories, or is it that I hear myself in them, I don’t know.
I was not allowed, at least not helped, to build relationships with other handicapped people when I was a child and adolescent, so the only pattern of life I ever learned was the normality. I knew human life was not going to be always easy, but at least I firmly thought I knew what to expect. In your soulful words: “and I always figured, you know, when the aliens took you it might be terrible but at least you’d understand what was going on, you know?”
And exactly the same way as your story continues, everything in my life has been anything but what I was ever told and prepared to comprehend and to handle:
“so that’s it i guess. no one ever explained anything or anything. but i figure, um, no one ever covers you from head to toe in pink colored sugar for something good? i mean, i don’t think so… do you think?”
Dear Friend, If the modern earth was created through the dinosaur – and ice age, and I don’t think God hesitates to dip you in pink colored sugar in order to get some great stories to read : )
I’m so excited about your stories that I have begun to hope against my own enjoyment and wish you didn’t publish them free here, but would write and gather enough for a book and offer them to a publisher.
One little comment on the eating discussion “plus 2 minus 1″: Because my English vocabulary is limited, I might unintentionally speak in a too black and white manner. I apologize, and will change the word “failure” to “mistake” as smartly suggested.
Have a good day there : )
Comment by valid-i March 13, 2008 @ 11:23 amI just realized that yesterday I questioned the importance of your eating disorder writings, and now I’m wishing you didn’t publish your stories here. Don’t listen to me!!!! I mean well, but get easily lost in my thoughts! … I ask you to pray for eggs, but advise you to first kill the hen, poor me!
Comment by valid-i March 13, 2008 @ 11:46 amvalid-i
I can’t believe sometimes that English is NOT your first language. You have a gift with language, girl!
Vanessa,
Comment by Mrs. B March 13, 2008 @ 12:16 pmAnother weird but interesting gem. I sometimes think that ALL women are coated in a candy shell, and if you choose NOT to be, you are ostracised for it!
valid-i, oh, my friend. don’t be so hard on yourself, picking apart every little thing you say, as if i am as fragile and exposed as the girl who has been dipped in sugar and as if you are expected to be perfect in every word you write!
when it comes to publishing, it isn’t even in my mind right now. it isn’t important to my current struggle. if some day it becomes possible to make some money doing something that helps keep me sane, well, so much the better. but for now my rewards are coming in sanity and hope and faith which come by my writings being valued by others, and are way more valuable than anything i could gain by hiding and hoarding them.
mrs b, thank you! i think weird but interesting is high praise, yeah? at least i’m not repeating something everyone has heard before, i hope.
Comment by vive42 March 13, 2008 @ 12:19 pmNo, Vanessa,
Comment by Mrs. B March 13, 2008 @ 12:55 pmYou are DEFINITELY not repeating anything I have ever heard before.
Take good care of yourself and your gifts today, woman.
We’re all looking to see what’s coming next!!
Yes, Ladies, I need to relax, and also give myself some credit.
I speak five languages relatively fluently : ) … Yet I often feel I bicycle without hands in soft sand : )
About three years ago one of my sister in laws started calling me first once a week, then every other day, and soon every day, which was still okay with me, until all she ever spoke was complaining about my brother. I listened to her murmuring close to six months trying hard to make her feel better about her life, until I finally gathered some self-regard and told her how I had a very different view about my brother, and how much it hurt my feelings to hear him mocked every single day. She got furious and hung up on me, just to call me the next day, and to tell me how my selfishness had made her so anxious that she ended up bodily harming their two year old little boy! My sweet little nephew.
I know that lady is sick, yet it was almost unbearably horrible for me to hear her tell me how I had been a contributor to a maltreatment of a child! It took me months and months to get over the thing, and supposedly I’m still too cautious with my sayings.
My parents moved to Bolivia, for eleven years, (they are now back home) when I was 17, which means I have had to make my own living since then, that’s why I’m so (I mean; TOO) business oriented.
You Ladies are so right, I, nor anyone else will die, even if I relaxed a bit : )
Comment by valid-i March 13, 2008 @ 2:27 pmValid-i,
You have the problem that is shared by a lot of us. Women take on everyone’s problems….not just to the level of support, but to the level of responsibility. That is a very heavy yoke. The truth is, you can really only be responsible for yourself.
Your sister-in-law was wrong to share her problems with your brother with you. SHE was wrong, not you. You did just what you should have done. She, on the other hand, was wrong on both counts. She should not have spoken ill about your brother, and she should have been strongly admonished, if not PUNISHED….for harming your nephew.
Valid-i, you are a very strong woman. I have appreciated the opportunity to converse with you in this place.
Comment by Mrs. B March 13, 2008 @ 3:12 pmThank you Mrs. B,
she was STRONGLY admonished; my brother divorced her, and also punished; my brother got the custody of their children.
I was not blamed for anything, but sure I feel bad, and wonder what all could be differently, if I never even started listening to her, but as my brother says, they had problems before my coming to the picture, and if it wasn’t me who she complained to, it would have been someone else, and if she didn’t abuse the children then, she would have done it later … but yet I feel bad … you know what I mean.
I’m so happy we are all here and have this place to talk : ) Certainly Vanessa will not mind, if I’ll ask how is your daughter doing? Your last report of her that I read on MamaV’s blog told how she enjoys showing off her, again, pretty butt : )
Comment by valid-i March 13, 2008 @ 3:48 pmvalid-i,
So as not to abuse Vanessa’s blog….I just gave a report on my daughter on Mama V’s forum.
She’s doing great. I’m VERY proud of her.
Comment by Mrs. B March 13, 2008 @ 3:58 pmMrs. B
I’ll go there to enjoy the good news : )
Comment by valid-i March 13, 2008 @ 4:01 pm