it’s fair to say that things could certainly be worse if my hair was on fire.
honey i told you from the start that man was no good. you know i did! i said, “girl, that man is not the one for you, you mark my words.” why. when i noticed him giving me the eye i thought to myself i’d be doing you a favor to find out if he would cheat on you. break your heart if he turned out to be a cheatin’ type he would!
so, yes, i set out to settle my curiosity about this man and see if he was a cheatin’ type because i figured to myself, i figured it would be the kindest way if you heard it from me instead of finding out he was no good later on down the line. i truly had the very best of intentions, now, you know i did! i love you like a sister and i wouldn’t ever do a thing in the world on purpose to cause you pain, honey, you know that, don’t you?
so i suppose i did let it go on a bit more than i should have… but once i’d found out he was no good i don’t know what came over me. i think i just didn’t want to hurt your feelings, really. what with you havin’ so much trouble finding and keeping a man and i just thought it would be awful hard on you to find out this one was the cheatin’ type. you know i keep telling you you need to find yourself a much more quiet less attractive type of man. for someone so quiet and mousy as yourself that’s the kind of man who will stick by you and not run off like all the others have.
what’s that strange odor? do you smell that, honey? oh dear me HELP! oh help me please honey HELP my hair is on fire! don’t just stand there help me put it out oh, no, lord what have i done to deserve such a thing? somebody help me! my hair is on fire!
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She wasn’t very nice, but I’m not sure I would have set her on fire!! Vanessa, you’re bad!!
Comment by Mrs. B March 12, 2008 @ 3:55 pmMy comment to this, is below, under the previous story.
Hello Mrs. B : ) I really don’t see you as Mother Hubbard!!!!!
Comment by valid-i March 12, 2008 @ 4:02 pmmrs b- it’s funny you should say that. i want to share with you the back story of how i came up with this one:
i usually come up with my next story about the same time of day, when i’m out walking and things are quiet in my head. so, i was thinking of a could be worse story and all of a sudden i realized that the character and situation i was making up were WAY WAY WAY less badly off than my actual life. and i started thinking about how my life is, objectively speaking, “worse” than the lives of almost everyone i know. feeling sorry for myself, in other words.
so then i was, for a second, stumped for how i was ever going to come up with a “could be worse” story, until the thought came into my head “hey, things could be worse if my hair was on fire!” and the thought just made me smile. because, of course i was being silly- my life isn’t great but things could always be a lot worse. and second, the idea of my hair being on fire making me feel better about things was just plain ridiculous.
so i immediately knew i had to do a story that featured someone whose hair caught fire. but i wanted it to be funny, not horrible, because to me the thought was silly and made me smile. so i set out to make a character reprehensible enough so that by the end of the story no one would mind that her hair caught fire, and i came up with this evil self absorbed diva-type woman with big blond texas hair.
in my imagination what happens next is that the little “mousy” woman she was talking to finds a bucket of cold water somewhere and throws it on her head to put her hair out, and of course she is unharmed.
Comment by vive42 March 12, 2008 @ 5:09 pmVanessa,
I figured there was a “could be worse than this” thread going on here.
Sometimes I like to see the mouse fight back. Even if I am a Christian. Maybe it’s the meek inheriting the earth thing.
:0
Comment by Mrs. B March 12, 2008 @ 7:24 pm