Filed under: anorexia, bulimia, eating disorder recovery, eating disorders, overeaters anonymous | Tags: anorexia, bulimia, eating disorder recovery, eating disorders, overeaters anonymous
bleah! i didn’t make it to the OA meeting, and i wish i had.
what happened was almost funny, when i look at it in light of the short story i had just written about how things could be worse. the story turned out to be weirdly prescient because i had the same sort of “i’ll just take my ball and go home!” kind of moment as the main character in my story, jacob.
i didn’t want to face the people at the meeting but i tried to force myself to just go anyway. my thoughts were going a mile a minute about how fat i was and how awful it was going to be to walk in the door and have everyone able to see how much of a failure i was for gaining so much weight so quickly as i walked over to the subway… i was just dragging myself trying to do the right thing but thinking about my horrible fatness more each second.
anyway, my heart was sort of in the right place but my mind wasn’t so i got on the train going the wrong direction!!!! by the time i realised i was pretty much too late to make the start of the meeting if i wanted to turn around and go in the opposite direction. in order to avoid paying again i would have had to wait for this train, ride one stop, and get off and wait for the next inbound train. and it would be all the more embarassing to come in late so that everyone was certain to be looking at me and (in my mind at least) noticing how much weight i’d managed to put on in such a short time period.
so, the direction happened to be the right way to go if i wanted to go to the supermarket and buy binge food, which is what i decided to do instead on the theory that having made one honest mistake already i might as well go ahead and make another, worse one on purpose. which was EXACTLY what i had just written about happening in my short story! so maybe i worked so hard putting myself in the place of a chracter with that kind of bad attitude i screwed myself over. or maybe my story was fortelling the future. ooooh spooky!
what do you think? i’m short story psychic, aren’t i? it can’t possibly have been that the short story was a reflection of my pre existing bad attitude. nope, had to have been fortune-telling. definitely.
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How did you become a fortune teller?
Comment by Terry Finley March 10, 2008 @ 3:10 amLast year I bought ”The Secret” a book by Rhonda Byrne, to learn to create my own future, and have “money mailed to me instead of bills” … didn’t quite work, but your stories might be a perfect instrument in creating the future! I’m too serious to forget the reality and to imagine a future without the present, but you are different; I’m sure you could send us all to wonderland through your stories!
I can see your heart is on the right place, you are now officially a guinea pig of recovery. And trust me, I’m as scared as you are, rushing here every morning to see have you turned pink or green or grown a third leg!
Comment by valid-i March 10, 2008 @ 6:26 amyou’re too kind to me. but it feels nice to have my writings read and appreciated by someone. i don’t think there’s anything nicer you could do for me
Comment by vive42 March 10, 2008 @ 1:39 pmterry- just saw your comment, it seems you got caught in my spam filter, not sure why. hopefully it doesn’t know something i don’t.
i’d answer your question as to how i became a fortune teller, but seeing as i only tell the future and that is a question about the past i can’t do it!
Comment by vive42 March 10, 2008 @ 2:08 pm