Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes

things could be worse if winnie the pooh had crushed my apartment.

i had trouble sleeping last night.  it was raining and wind-ing and i was awake in bed listening to the weather, identifying each of the sounds outside.  one of the little stormy noises that i couldn’t quite figure out at first was a padding sort of squelch that seemed to be getting slightly louder, accompanied by a sort of two-toned sighing noise that i thought might be language.  it came closer and eventually i was able to identify the words.  ”oh dear.”

fully awake now i went to the window to look out at the city and i saw winnie the pooh coming down my street, wet and apologetic and pitiful but also alarmingly gigantic for a silly-willy-furry old bear.  i was half-convinced this must be a dream since well, obviously it’s not the sort of thing one expects to happen.  so i almost neglected to run out into the street screaming, but then i thought better of it.

i ran out and the one good thing about having your house destroyed by a slow-moving and well-intentioned cartoon character instead of, say, a space alien or a sea monster is that it is quite possible to get away from the area of devastation.  i wasn’t sure what to do, so i just ran away from the immediate area (well, actually mostly i walked since i get winded pretty quickly) as far away as possible and called my parents.  i guess the authorities got winnie under control, but unfortunately before that happened he destroyed most of the block including my apartment building, and with it my apartment.  he didn’t mean to do any harm of course, but that’s not much consolation to those of us that were left homeless.

i think the hardest part about having my apartment building accidentally knocked over by winnie the pooh is people keep trying not to smile when i tell them about it…

this concludes the first in what may be a multiple part series “things could be worse if…” brought to you courtesy of vanessa in a strange mood at 6 o’clock in the morning.