Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: anorexia, eating disorders, mamavision, pro-ana, proana
why don’t we really think about this question. this claim of mamaV that she is trying to use “tough love” on proana.
i took a quick look on wikipedia for their definition of tough love. It’s a very short entry, but it says that tough love is when one individual treats another individual harshly in order to help them over the long term, as with parents of a drug addict that withold financial support until their son or daughter agrees to enter treatment.
How, exactly does that term apply to mamaVISION being on a crusade against pro-anorexia in general and everyone that participates in pro-ana in particular? I’ll give you a hint- it doesn’t. This tough love thing is complete and utter bullshit. A smokescreen. An excuse for mamaV to say and do things that are completely out of line, showing absolutely no compassion or understanding, and not caring who she hurts. “Tough Love!” she cries, as if the phrase alone excuses any offense. An offense, like (for instance) in her most recent post where she reposted a cry for help from a bulimic mother who couldn’t stop puking and went on to call her and any other mom like her selfish, vain, and unconcerned about her children.
Now, the concept of tough love isn’t proven- there’s no evidence tough love is an effective way of helping someone even if you’re using the original definition of tough love. However, I think we do have some evidence of how well the tough love approach works for mamaVISION because some of the moms from the livejournal group found mamaV’s post. As of yet, none of them have seen the light and repented after reading her blog. Quite the contrary- they have reacted with profanity and threats. One way of seeing this would be that they were bad people and bad moms all along- but that’s not what I think. I think when you attack people they get angry and defensive and become all the more extreme in their positions. That’s what I would expect to happen when most anas see mamaVISION and that’s what actually does happen as far as I can tell- proanas threaten and swear and accuse mamaV of jealousy. Not because they’re necessarily bad people, but because she’s attacked them and they counter attack in the only way they can think of.
and remember people: eds = bad brain health. thinking and intelligence are very much effected leading perfectly nice people to sound way more irrational and dumber than they would if they were eating normally. it even makes them start thinking things like “there’s nothing wrong with me, you’re just jealous” even if that is a completely ridiculous idea. i’m sure reading my blog you can’t imagine my being even smarter and more rational when my eating is healthy but trust me- it’s true. even for me.
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thank you for saying everything i was thinking. What she is doing is no better than those that use “anonymous” to post hate in communities. Only she encourages people to come to her and listen as she steps on her high horse to tell us all how terrible of parents we are for for having flaws. It’s a smoke screen alright, a distraction from her own train wreck of a life. She feels so high and mighty when users come to her cracktastic blog and tell her everything she wants to hear. How she is soooo sweet for caring, and how her words have helped AND HOW OMG YOU’RE SUCH A SAINT! Well I call shenanigans. I say, mamavision is so screwed up in her own head, that rather than try to figure herself out, she’d rather bash those that she sees as WEAKER. But i hate to burst her pretty little PERFECT bubble, but this is the internet. No matter how stupid, or spitefull your point of view may be, there is always a gaggle of equally bitter old hags who will agree with you in vain attempts to find a connection. People are lonely this day in age and search for whoever will take them. Mamavision, GO HOME YOUR MOMMA WANTS YOU.
Comment by queen_apathy October 24, 2007 @ 2:53 pmI think you’re right Vanessa.
Also anorexics are not the kindof people to use tough love on – most are far too sensitive and unstable. Little criticism or threats can throw people like that over the edge.
And i’ve never seen tough love work, either.
The last paragraph is especially right. People can’t grasp the concept that people with mental illnesses think irrationally when it comes to ‘normal’ and unscary illnesses like EDs or depression. With schizophrenia people are scared and expect irrational beliefs, but people see anorexia as too normal, especially because we can all identify with feeling fat and being on a diet!
I’d disagree with queen_apathy that mamaV has her own issues. I think her problem is that of the average American – thinking she has issues when she doesn’t, and therefore thinking she understands. I also think she falsely believes her life is perfect, and is a standard for others to conform to, which isn’t right either.
Comment by Josie October 24, 2007 @ 7:15 pmqueen_apathy-
you’re welcome, lol. i think the woman behind mamavision means well, honestly. but she doesn’t really understand eds or proana and she makes excuses for her ignorance instead of learning and changing. and i do think she enjoys the validation she gets and makes excuses when she goes over the line- which is very often.
josie-
as usual, i agree with you completely. people don’t understand how twisted people’s thinking gets with an ed, and in different ways for different people. oh- and i’m so glad mamaV finally responded to your comments. its times like this i get really angry with her and everyone who believes or follows her, not even because of what she said originally as much as the way she refuses to change her mind or admit she was wrong in any way.
Comment by Vive42 October 25, 2007 @ 12:02 amVanessa – i’d love to chat to you more – could we be in email contact? My email is king_josie AT hotmail DOT com.
Comment by Josie October 25, 2007 @ 7:19 pmTough Love… that’s makes me think.. that’s what she tryed to do calling me ugly??
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mamavision
October 12th, 2007 at 11:15 am
Hi Alexaaa: I am not one to sugarcoat so – yes bones are ugly. If you had a picture like this with bones sticking out I would say you looked, well, ugly.
Truth hurts, and its about time someone said it.
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I sent her my pics to see if im thin enough to be labeled as ugly… i dont belive in tough love…her coment much far from helping me, really hurted me… maybe i twisted her comment but its the way i feel.
Josie and Vanessa, may i add you to my msn??
Comment by AlexaaaA October 25, 2007 @ 8:56 pmAlexa – feel free to add me
I think it’s unfair for her to call bones ugly, because some people are naturally bony, and it’s just her personal opinion anyway.
It’s a bit like her posting the picture of the girl balancing coins on her collarbones – i can do that at a healthy weight, and i still have some protruding bones at my healthy weight too.
She then went on to say rolls weren’t attractive either … but that doesn’t leave much scope!! I have both rolls and bones – both ends of the spectrum put together.
She’s not thinking out her arguments well at all.
Comment by Josie October 25, 2007 @ 10:01 pmalexaaa- i’m afraid i dont use msn messenger, but my email address is vive42@comcast.net and you (or anyone else reading this) can feel free to email me anytime!
Comment by Vive42 October 25, 2007 @ 10:07 pmjosie can i add you? i think we may have spoken on another forum shrinking_happiness. my names gabi. Vanessa, i agree so much with you here. MamaV does not use tough love.
josie you are so right with mama thinking her life is the perfect way to be. All i ca say to her there is is her kids are gunna wound up seriously fucked. I know that for a fact. My mum tried to conform to the “perfect” life inflicting it on me and my brother…and well….Im bulimic now bordeing anorexia, my brother over eats and pretends all is ok and my mu couldnt take it no longer she tried to kill herself. Perfect hey!
Comment by Anonymous October 28, 2007 @ 6:44 pmLove you love your blog. Anyway, I dislike how she acts like all ED’s are related to the fashion industry. I don’t follow fashion or models at all.
Comment by Kelsey M October 29, 2007 @ 8:53 pmanonymouse – sure
Comment by Josie October 30, 2007 @ 7:33 pmare you the same anonymous who commented recently on the anniversary post?
josie yes i am the same anon that posted on the anniversary site. i got criticised for spelling apllaud (i still dont know how to spell that word lol) wrong and lost sarash respect…i was deeply upset?! :S lol
Comment by Anonymous November 1, 2007 @ 10:12 pm