Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes

well, i’ve finally started losing some weight. five pounds, to be exact. i have a long way to go, but i have officially begun.

i’m at my parents house, alone, for this week. i’m glad because i can eat as i like and not worry about them. but being home has meant having more types of food available which means TEMPTATION. i wasn’t tempted before, when i had only the food i was eating every day available. but now i have a fridge full of stuff and it’s harder to stick to my 400-450 calories a day regimen.

it’s weird because when i’m most at risk isn’t when i am truly hungry. when my stomach hurts or growls it just makes me feel good, strong, on track. but soon after i’ve already eaten, before i have a chance to get hungry, that’s when i feel the most temptation.

i’ve been wanting a binge, but purging has no attraction for me so i’ve been holding off. i went through a phase of purging quite often a few years ago, but i think when i straight up restrict i feel better. i don’t think i want a binge if i’m not going to purge- so i’m hoping that will stop me from doing it. still, fingers crossed, because it’s hard to resist and i’m worried if i give in once it will be months of binging again before i get my restricting ability back…